randomly recent

lying down on my huge des(s)erted bed, Staring at the ceiling,
recalling a few days of past. comparing. realizing it's not the same.
And then comes sadness followed by indifference.
Justifying the distant past," the recent was just a dream".
Anyways not so recent anymore but the only part worth remembering.
Still with the closed lashes I hope, and then hope against the hope
For the truth is prevalent, stamped on the walls all across
Which remind me of all the colors i once saw.
The Black is the love but not the Black n White.
Exorbitant colors, all painted Black, some by me, some credit Time.
From suffocation to oxygen but with agoraphobia! Caught in a mosh again.
We were different knew everyone, realized none the perfection,
and then the spree of rectifying the perfection. Bewildered Stupidity.
thrown myself , impacting ourselves, out from the ideal utopia.
And now the dessert smeared all over confirming the deserted self.
wake up in the middle of the day from the perpetual sleep is what I wish.
And then all those wishes which went wrong haunt me.
WTF am i talking about. It's just the same old green grass shit I guess.
Do i look too serious while I put it across? Well then I must admit its not as "BAD".
Just that it was supposed to be my moment. Where was the space for seriousness?
Again as you know it keeps on ticking. Some worth remembering, some realized later.
One day I guess I will miss even this day for that is how it has always been.
So be it!